My thoughts on the book "Mindset" by Dweck, Carol S

This book dealing with multiple examples on people with fixed mindset and people with growth mindset. How this mindset is not a binary but every person is a combination of Fixed and Growth mindsets. Some excellent points I like in this book are-

If you appreciate a person's success for being smart, they will turn towards fixed mindset. But, if you appreciate a person's success for their hard work, they will turn towards growth mindset. This is very true when handling kids.

Failure is not a sign of stupidity but lack of experience and skill.

Both positive and negative labels can mess with our mind. With positive label, we are afraid of losing it and with negative label, we are afraid of deserving it.

Common mistake done by parents

One of the most interesting points I found is the mistake most of the parents do. We label our boy/girl child as smart when they do their homework well or get high grade in a test. Similarly, after a few failures we start saying that they don't do math well or they are poor in spellings. This makes children who didn't score well give up and don't try, while this makes children who performed well get an insecurity of losing smart tag. Instead, an excellent method author suggested is to ask children questions. Like below-

When a child did very well in the tests

• How much have you studied to prepare for the test?
• How much concentration did you put while teacher is explaining?
• How did you understand the concept so well?

Similarly, when a child did poorly in the test

• Is there a reason you didn't preform well?
• Do you need any help in understanding the concept?
• Shall we do the exercise together so that we both can learn together?

These questions will reassure them that they did well because they worked hard. There is someone to help when they need. This book discusses different other aspects and raising children which are all valid and interesting.

I find these concepts really basic, but some how escaped our routine. Its time we understand them again.

Relationships (between spouse/family/friends)

Another common thing, many people struggle is relationships. It is not just between lovers and married couple. It is with everyone including family and friends. If you are having trouble with every relationship you have been with, then the probable reason is you. If you always complain about people you are with, then problem is with you. Don't have a fixed mindset on how people around you should be, everyone is different. A successful relationship is a work in progress relationship always. We can't magically find someone who is our perfect match. There will be disagreements, and there will be compromises. We have to work together to make that relationship work. Even if a relationship doesn't work, it is unwise to not let it go, we should continue with life. While we should keep our experiences in mind, we shouldn't let that hinder our ability to form new relationships. A relationship(weather it is between lovers or married couples or friends) is not about winning or making sure that we dominate other person. If you find someone who wants to be in command of relationship and always wants other person to follow them, then you are in a toxic relationship with a fixed mindset person.